[12:30:19 AM] Bergin: I guess?
[12:30:27 AM] Bergin: Run to the hills, dawg.
[12:30:29 AM] Bergin: Go wild."
Strap in, because it's 12 A.M., I can't sleep, and we've got nowhere else to be.
Lemme put it to ya this way, jack, because I ain't gonna repeat a word, see?
This movie blows big wang.
HUGE wang.
Let's take a step back now before it makes a huge mess on my carpet, and forces me to hire a carpet cleaner. Why do I hate this movie? I can tell ya, it will come to you in a bit. Just hold on to your pants, gangsta, and get a belt while you're at it.
Just read my damn review, then we all can get back to our hookers and blow, mmmkay?
(A/N: In order to really showcase some flaws here, I'm comparing this movie to the one I like better, The Great Gatsby...from 1974. You might want to watch that, it's real good.)
(Another A/N: I haven't read the book, because reading is for Mikey Porter.)
We start with a promising intro; our main character at a Psychologist's office. At first, you think "Wow, this might be good. Psychological stuff always points to a good movie (amirite, Inception?)".
That is, until you see that one guy who played in the Spiderman trilogy is the main character. That's right, we get to see Tobey Maguire for 2 hours. The worst part is, he is cast pretty sub-par; he's got the look, but he comes off too awkward for his character. He seems to be trying really hard to convince people that the feelings he shares mean something. Tobey is no Sam Waterston.
Also, I hate Baz Luhrmann (or however you spell it). I hate how he directs a movie to be as flashy as visually possible without paying attention to the characters. I hate how he injects a movie plot with speed to rush along a plot. I hate how everything that should matter in these types of movies fly by in a blink of an eye and you're left wondering where your money went.
I hate everything about this film except for two things: Leonardo DiCaprio and the general atmosphere. One thing I will give Baz credit for is that he can direct a beautiful world; the 1920's feel like the 1920's...most of the time. You can tell when and where the flair of the visuals die off. Also, Leonardo actually plays the perfect Gatsby; I loved his role, and he was the only person I cared to have any interest in.
In total, this movie review was actually delayed over time and that's why it sucks as much as the film.
Most people don't care. They view this film as gold. It isn't. I hate most of it except the emotional ending, when characters slow down and start to show actual emotion instead of having a semi-ADHD problem with the camera and story.
So, in conclusion, I suck for not writing this well. I'll be damned if I proofread it.
Take it down.
Also, I hate Baz Luhrmann (or however you spell it). I hate how he directs a movie to be as flashy as visually possible without paying attention to the characters. I hate how he injects a movie plot with speed to rush along a plot. I hate how everything that should matter in these types of movies fly by in a blink of an eye and you're left wondering where your money went.
I hate everything about this film except for two things: Leonardo DiCaprio and the general atmosphere. One thing I will give Baz credit for is that he can direct a beautiful world; the 1920's feel like the 1920's...most of the time. You can tell when and where the flair of the visuals die off. Also, Leonardo actually plays the perfect Gatsby; I loved his role, and he was the only person I cared to have any interest in.
In total, this movie review was actually delayed over time and that's why it sucks as much as the film.
Most people don't care. They view this film as gold. It isn't. I hate most of it except the emotional ending, when characters slow down and start to show actual emotion instead of having a semi-ADHD problem with the camera and story.
So, in conclusion, I suck for not writing this well. I'll be damned if I proofread it.
Take it down.
10/10 "BEST NEW CALL OF DUTY"
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